It's been awhile since I've written a blog, but let's go for it while I have heartache and rage to fuel me. I'm still single. I was/am interested in someone who lives in Colorado, although I live in Florida, I believed that we could've made it happen. The names and states in this story have been altered by the way. I was talking to this girl I met on twitter named Alana for the past year and a half, Alana lives in Colorado while I live in Florida. We would talk everyday about anything, comics, sci-fi, anime, video games, etc... One day we finally decided to exchange numbers and we TALKED EVERY SINGLE DAY. It was the best thing ever! I was letting my emotional walls down, and that is a EXTREMELY hard thing for me to do. This girl was embedded into my heart, my brain. We connected on a mental level. Then one day I want to say sometime last November, I tell Alana about a comic book convention that I go to every year in Miami, she says, "I'll come out there and go with you." I was ecstatic, I'm finally meeting the girl of my dreams, this is really happening! Unfortunately, she had to cancel because of work related issues. I was devastated, but fate just decided that it wasn't our time. Jump forward to February, she tells me that she's going on spring break in a few weeks and was deciding where to go that had a beach, so I recommended that she come to the Sunshine State! She says yes. So she comes into town with her kids, and we have fun. and while she's here, I'm realizing that I'm happy, I'm genuinely happy. I haven't felt joy like this in a long time! Segway that leads further into the story: I don't like burning bridges with certain people because they've been a part of my life for a long time, and I can talk to them about anything. Back to the story, we go to the zoo and we have so much fun. She feeds the Giraffes (Her favorite animal) and starts to cry, I feel my heart melt even further. In the back of my brain I'm thinking "I've officially fallen in love." I receive a call later that evening from a friend who's also an ex (don't like burning bridges remember) she asks me: "how was your date?" I say "it was okay, but I'm not sure it was a date." she asks me 1,000 questions about Alana, then I say, "Clara, enough with the questions, I'm happy, can't you just be happy for me? Shit" She tells me that she is happy for me, but I can tell from the tone in her voice, that there's some slight resentment. The next day we go the the Florida Everglades, and we go on an air boat ride, and see a few more animals. After all's said in done we go and visit my friend in the hospital. we sit there and talk to him for about an hour of so, I'm asking him when he's supposed to be leaving because he's been in there for a month (he got out a few days later.) We go back to my house and get ready to wrap things up because it's her last night in town. I get a call from Clara asking if I had sex with Alana, I tell Clara: "not that it's any of your fucking business who I have sex with, but NO!" I hang up the phone and put it on silent. Alana falls asleep because she's leaving at 5AM. So me and her oldest son Sam are up talking about comic books, and movies, etc. Eventually I go to bed because I also have to get up to see her off. she leaves and I'm sad because she's gone. I go on Facebook later that evening and write "Bummed out because the special girl is gone." Clara takes it upon herself to write "should've got it in when you could." This stupid little comment pissed Alana off so much that our "relationship" took a huge step back! We barely talk anymore because she assumes that I was going to get back with my ex as soon as she left, she changed her number so now I can't even call or text her to say good morning to her anymore. This was last month and ever since then I've been numb. I went a a date and kept calling the girl "Alana." Needless to say, there will not be a second date. I've pretty much severed all ties with Clara, We don't hang out anymore, I've deleted her from my Facebook, We barely talk anymore, and when we do, I bring up that sideways shit every time. I can't talk to her about certain things in my life anymore. Alana did something that really hurt me recently, and I found out about it today. I don't want to get into that right now because it's still fresh and it's what gave me the motivation to write this blog. I really don't know what else to say besides I'm heartbroken, sad, and, and feel betrayed. Now Alana only wants to be "just friends." I said that I wasn't going to drink this this year, but that's pretty much down the drain at this point! Do you guys feel as if I should give up or keep trying?
